I don’t have time for the long post I intend to write on this subject but after speaking with another client, with chronic health problems, PCOS and low self esteem I want to bring this mental condition up to my clients.
Narcissistic Mothers Disorder, a mental illness almost impossible to treat because its almost impossible for a Narcissists to realize they are in fact, a narcissist. Now, Narcissistic Mothers raising daughters is a recipe for disaster and I experienced it first hand.
You’re never good enough. Your feelings, thoughts, wants, desires don’t matter. You’re not a person, your someone elses property. Everything is your fault and you’ve probably never heard the words “im sorry” come from your mothers lips. She may be over controlling or detached and either way, your worthless.
Many of you know how certain emotions or experiences or traumas create illness and many of you have gone through the process of healing from a certain issue with me, and may remember how I connect certain syndromes or illnesses with certain life experiences.
Many of you with PCOS know that my theory is it has a lot to do with GUILT and MOM.
As someone who used to have PCOS and am “cured” though they say its “incurable” i have a lot of experience in this area.
It goes further…..
We all want a mom…..many are best friends with their mothers & that is such a blessing.
Our mothers teach us everything in most cases, we learn from them what it means to be a woman…how to be a woman…how to feel about ourselves, our bodies…We watch our moms and learn everything about the world and life and how it works, whether we realize it or not.
Some mothers and daughters have very complex relationships or even terrible relationships, at worst, abusive.
Some mothers are there, but they aren’t “moms”.
I spent my life searching for my mothers approval. Instead I was at 7 she was putting me on diets bc I got chubby though wasn’t allowed to eat anything.
I had no mind or opinion…..I was an extension of her.
Until I was 21I thought it was normal to get diet pills in my Easter basket growing up. To have to wear the same two outfits every day of the week…
To have to return every xmas and bday present because it was meant for older ladies and for her to use the exchange for clothes for herself.
To be offered money to work out more often.
I often found “moms” in my friends mothers, in my adult years in my boyfriends mothers.
It was a friends mom who first picked up a pair of tweezers at 15 and said “its time to pluck your eyebrows honey.”
It was a friends mom who first put make-up on me, and told me I was beautiful. Made me feel beautiful, Deborah Cadoux.
She is who I went to about everything in highschool.
It was my Monica, my sons paternal grandmother, who held my hand while I gave birth to my son. She was the one who took me shopping for maternity clothes…for the 5 years I dated her son, she was the only mother to give me a birthday or Christmas present.
The last 2 years its been Alex’s mom, who hugs me when I cry and tells me she loves me, in the way only a mother can hug you and say i love you.
Shes the mom that picks up the phone when I call. After I had Miles, they blocked my number.
What happened to my mom?
Its a long story, but, growing up with my mom was growing up with guilt trips. I ruined everything…I got in the way of her work, her life. And I was her puppet, I was simply to eat what she told me to eat, do as she said & that was that. If i deviated from her control I was a horrible person….and at 25 when I decided to order what I wanted from a menu, not what she said I must order, the end of any relationship began.
When I refused to abort Miles, like she wanted, she was so furious it was the end of what mother daughter relationship we had.
There are two types of NM mothers, engulfing or detached.
Last year after years of extreme irrational behavior mixed with periods of estrangement, i googled my mothers behavior thinking ‘there has to be something wrong with her mentally, this isnt normal.”
Sure enough this syndrome came up and it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.
There was an exact description of my mom right before me and a mental disorder very hard to treat.
How does a narcissist realize they are a narcissist?
After speaking with a client tonight with a similar story, she googled NM and texted what a relief it was to have an answer.
After a lifetime of thinking your unlovable if your own mother doesn’t love you, its important to realize its not you.
Its not you.
I encourage looking it up if you’ve had a problem relationship with your mother and for the majority of your life was made to feel worthless, ugly, stupid and filled with guilt.
If you were never heard or allowed to be your own person.
Just knowing helps a lot. Its not you, you deserve the world….you just happened to be raised by someone who wasn’t capable of giving you the love you deserve.
usually, these mothers had mothers exactly the same and swore not to become them.
My mom swore she would never become like her mom, and is 10X worse.
I’ve broken the cycle. And so will you. Love your child unconditionally……
I was loved under ‘conditions,’ Thats not real love…..once you can recognize and begin healing, you will learn to love yourself unconditionally which is what matters most..
More later,
Love
Elisabeth
